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Confessions of a guilt free mom, Dear Kids...

I have never claimed to be the perfect mother, but I would say, that at least viewed from afar, I did a pretty good job. I have always been a guarded person, so when I screwed up as a Mom, I certainly wasn't going to get out the bullhorn. What is with you women who do this? You whine about your screw-up to everyone who cares to listen plus a few who were clearly in the wrong place at the wrong time. The look of pure helpless terror didn't escape me it's just that I'm glad it's you and not me. I typically avoid these tell-all moms like the plague.

As with any job...What? Is that a politically incorrect way to describe motherhood? Well whatever...I've heard the new "Motherhood is an emotional journey, not a job.” Well my "emotional journey" puked on me and had a leaky diaper in the same's a job. Needless to say, I did a few things that I am not proud of but I don't feel guilty...not one bit.

1) I threw out or donated some (a lot) of your toys without your consent. Hey I tried the diplomatic approach of dumping all of your toys in the living room floor so we could donate to less fortunate kids. All that was accomplished was you choosing to throw out a hotwheel with three tires and that Happy Meal Toy where the server accidently gave you the "girl" toy...oh sweet mother of God I wanted to hurt that girl when we got home. After the toy dumping incident I regularly donated toys without your consent.

2) From September to December 25th (I'm an early shopper) your dad and I were not "wrapping presents" behind closed doors.

3) Sometimes I would tell you a food was spicy so I didn't have to share. That is the spiciest cheesecake I have ever tasted!

4) When you would ask me to hold your food (duh) at a birthday party, it wasn't stolen by their dog...I ate it. I am sure some of your friends parents must of thought you were odd given that you gave their dog the stink-eye when entering their home.

5) I hated the fact that "Santa" got the credit for all of best gifts. Yeah I said it...I was jealous of Santa Claus. One Christmas when one of you changed your list from a Power Ranger Sword to a Robot I blamed Santa for not being able to get it on time. Well darn it, I bet I'm officially on the naughty list (like I wasn't before.)

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